Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
