In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
