is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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