I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
