I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
