He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
