Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
