you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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