Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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