Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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