i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
farters have to be the big spoon...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
