FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Randomize
