I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
