He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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