You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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