I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
