there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize