The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize