Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
