On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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