I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
