I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
