I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
