the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
