Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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