so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
