i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
