What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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