I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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