Non-Jews are for practice
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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