Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My liver just had a heart attack.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
