This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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