Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
