I met the friendliest cop last night
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Two words: nipple clamps
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