then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
