How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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