apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize