I have demons in me.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
