Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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