Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
