he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Did I show you my penis last night?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize