no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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