The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Boobs speak an international language.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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