What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
