My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
