I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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