And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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