My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
