I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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