I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
His nipple licking is glorious
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