Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Your mouth is God's brothel.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
