I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
