she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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