i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
