My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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