we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
