i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
