The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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