how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
