you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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