paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
that may or may not have been my penis.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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