put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
