Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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