Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
