you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
