Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
