I must be too annoying 4 u.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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