Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
