You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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