She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
