therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
