Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
