also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
