You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
