you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
